| Why: |
|
To promote change in the speaker's attitudes
To improve the relationship |
| When: |
|
Emotional situations
When you're not sure you understand
When you're going in circles
When the speaker isn't listening to you |
| How: |
|
Stop talking
Use attentive body language
Think about what the speaker is saying, not about your reaction to
his/her words
Be clear that your goal is to help the speaker make his/her own
discoveries |
| |
|
|
Paraphrasing
|
| Why: |
|
To let speaker hear a statement of his/her own
words for examination and decide if it is what she/he is intending to
say |
| How: |
|
Repeat back a summary of what the speaker said
Check out if what you heard is correct
If you didn't understand, ask the speaker to explain |
| |
|
|
Validating
|
| Why: |
|
To acknowledge the speaker's perceptions
To legitimize the express of emotion
To further trust |
| How: |
|
Acknowledge the value of their experience
Show appreciation for their willingness to express it |
| |
|
|
Clarifying
|
| Why: |
|
To assist the speaker in taking a more in-depth
look at the topic
To help the speaker consider other options or viewpoints |
| How: |
|
Ask open questions ("How . . .?" or "What. . .?")
that allow the speaker to further explore the topic
Ask questions to get the speaker to be more specific
Invite the speaker to look at an alternative point of view |
| |
|
|
Reflective Listening
|
| Why: |
|
To help the speaker clarify and identity his/her
feelings
To recognize the feelings implicit in the spoken words
To let the speaker know that you understand her/him on a feeling level |
| How: |
|
Listen for feeling words and repeat these words
back
Use metaphors to turn abstract emotions into concrete statements
Watch body language for clues to speaker's feelings, such as clenched
fists, eyes blinking, crossed arms or legs, tight facial muscles,
fingers or feet tapping, suppressed smiling, hunched shoulders,
etc.
|
